I must’ve masturbated for an hour. Until i felt the shiver of my womb three or four times. Until i felt… something realistic to what i felt with him.
I wanted to experience firsthand, the warmth I embodied. To have a taste of my own femininity.
I moaned silently and pressed my face in the sheets just as he’d make me.
Caressed my own breasts and massage my thighs while I placed tiny kisses on my shoulders.
I even changed positions at moments i felt he would’ve
All on my own, I’m coming!
I actually loved this part more than i imagined.
A moment of solidarity, a moment of frenzied electricity all to myself,
undistracted by having to return the favor…
After, I must’ve laid there for some more hours, floating in absolute darkness,
stretching out my toes, tracing my finger along the lining of my body, and
holding my breath as I tried to recall how would you hold me after we finished.
I eventually opened my eyes, and could feel
my heartbeat throbbing under my left breast and a numbness in my legs.
I could feel everything that I missed
and things I may can do without.
I know the real feeling of intimacy.
a provoking sensation
that pulls out of the chest to his,
crosses arms around bodies,
while kissing him frequently,
as he covers my existence
with his nakedness.
staring deeply into his eyes
as he sucks on each breast.
smiling down at him,
turned on by his submissiveness,
i caress his head,
realizing in this moment
he is my lover
but forever a slave to my sex.
i am the indigo snake with a mouse in its jaw,
the magi that can turn his blue to sweet reds
with a raw spirit of passion
capsuled in between
tasting of sugar, water and lime
and always ready
and knowing how to make love
jerk and snap.
i use intimacy as bondage
sealing a moment
with my hands and mouth,
our unification becomes
a secret pact.
not all of us are fragile,
neither conflicted or naive.
some of us are perpetual,
shades of cool,
blooming continuously through
i felt each one just weeks before.
i know that frigidness,
between making love and a hate fuck.
both terrifying and unreasonable,
and neither one more transparent than the other.
this recent one though
was different than the others,
heavily adorned in fidelity,
i’d met my match.
he knew that damn feeling
of unsuccessful relationships just as well.
so his deflecting skills
were just as dangerous as mine,
playing defense 24/7.
a man in my own image,
who i still worship for his resourcefulness
and his willingness
to demonstrate love
the sun of my soul,
igniting solar flares through my chest.
i am a fiery mess,
exulting over my newfound radiance.
my torch of blazing light
moves through me
to the earth
to my mother
and my mother’s mother
and so on.
it is powerful
with raised arms, open palms
and bending knees
i honor every woman
while in this stance,
i become their keeper of the flame.
when forever did not mean an eternity
be aware that I questioned life in its entirety.
i fixated on my flaws
and had it out with romance.
I became my true self
unreliable, hungry, and flammable.
this is my transcendental prelude,
a reminder to those who may have forgotten.
I am strong, deep, and unwavering.
I may not easily bend to changes,
or adherent to surprises.
I sleep on the same side of the bed every night,
and I stick to my daily rituals.
Fixated and reliable instincts,
I am tied to this world,
all on the strength of emotional stimulation.
Men lie. Women lie.
But children seldomly do.
soldiers will march, bombs will burst
all for Lady.
Just as she experienced war,
the kind that rings that wild bell in your heart
and shifts your kidneys and spleen.
They will endure.
Cathedrals and Bavarian castles
will erect in honor of her.
They will build new roads, coiled and curved,
to emulate her body.
A fountain will reign in the center of her city.
It would be covered with vines of wild grapes,
foiled along the sides with bronze cobras.
And all the women in town,
especially the ones with calloused hands,
and the ones with the scent of their midnight lovers still lingering
on their necks,
will come there to wash their feet
and dispense their wishes.
The men from lower parts of town
will lay their offerings at their hearth
and ask her to gift them more pleasant years
and more honorable work.
The children will frolic and dance barefooted
on the cobblestone walkways,
singing songs about her.
Even the dogs will howl
and cats will purr
at the sight of a lady in love.